A few years ago, I thought confidence came first; I imagined there would be a moment where I would finally feel ready to charge more, speak up and really lean into my business. I thought I would finally be ready to back myself. I spent a long time believing that feeling would arrive if I prepared enough.
So I read the books, listened to the podcasts, collected qualifications and I learned from people I admired. All of it was valuable, and none of it made me feel completely ready.
Looking back, confidence wasn't really the thing I was searching for. What changed my life was responding to something much quieter.
About three years ago, my coach, Lisa, ran a coaching school. I remember feeling drawn to it. I couldn't have explained why at the time. I wasn't looking for another qualification or a neat five-step plan. There was simply a part of me that knew I needed to do something different.
Looking back now, I think that was one of the first times I consciously chose to back myself. It was just a small voice saying, Now.
I listened.
Those weekends changed far more than I expected because they helped me step outside the life I'd been unconsciously repeating.
I met people who thought differently like my current coach and dear friend, Rebecca.
I started questioning things I'd always accepted as true and most importantly, I realised that waiting for certainty wasn't actually moving my life forwards.
Waiting Can Feel Productive
One of the reasons waiting is so convincing is that it rarely looks like avoidance. It looks responsible, thoughtful and measured. We're not doing nothing; we're researching, planning, refining and preparing.
Again, none of those things is wrong. Preparation matters. The question is whether preparation is still serving you, or whether it has quietly become somewhere to hide. I've certainly done that.
There have been times when I've convinced myself I just needed one more course before launching something or one more edit before publishing. On the surface, it looked like diligence, but looking back, I can also see a desire for certainty. If I could prepare for long enough, perhaps I could avoid getting it wrong.
Life Doesn't Offer Guarantees
The difficult truth is that life doesn't work like that, you can be exceptionally well prepared and still feel nervous. You can have years of experience and still wonder whether you're good enough and you can have a clear plan and still meet unexpected challenges. The uncertainty doesn't disappear. You simply become more familiar with meeting it.
That's one of the reasons I called my membership The Arena. I am not asking for you to be fearless in that space, only for you to participate. You choose to be there, to bring your doubts, your questions and we cheer on imperfect first attempts.
And guess what, together we discover something interesting: action has a way of teaching us things that thinking never can.
The Version Of You You're Waiting For
Sometimes I wonder whether we're waiting for a future version of ourselves who doesn't actually exist.
The woman who:
- never doubts herself
- always knows what to say
- isn't affected by criticism
- never feels uncertain.
I don't know many people like that; I do however, know women who have become more grounded, more trusting of themselves and more willing to back themselves. Uncertainty doesn't disappear, but we stop expecting certainty to be the price of participation. We enter The Arena anyway and each time we do, we gather evidence that we can cope.
The Invitation
I'm not suggesting you rush into every opportunity or ignore wisdom, timing or preparation.
I'm simply wondering whether there is an area of your life where you've been waiting for a feeling that may only arrive after you've begun.
Perhaps the version of you you're waiting for is created by the very thing you're postponing.
That has certainly been true for me.
Every meaningful step I've taken has arrived carrying some uncertainty with it. Starting my business, speaking publicly, running Taking Off the Armour and creating The Arena.
None of them began with certainty; they began with a choice and each choice made the next one a little easier.
A Question To Leave You With
What part of your life have you placed on hold while you wait to feel ready?
And what if readiness isn't something you find...
What if it's something you build by stepping into the Arena?
Over the next few weeks, I'm going to be exploring what it really means to step into the Arena of your own life. This isn't performing or pretending, it is an invitation for you to participate in your own life; to choose yourself.
If you've reached a point where you know you're capable of more but keep finding reasons to wait, I'd love to invite you into The Arena.
Every month, a group of women choose to come into the room together. We have honest conversations, challenge old patterns, reflect, journal, encourage one another and, most importantly, practise participating in our own lives.
Because that's what The Arena is really about. You are no longer sitting on the sidelines waiting until you feel more ready; you are stepping into the room as you are.
If something in this blog has stirred that same quiet feeling I experienced all those years ago, perhaps that's worth paying attention to.
I'd love to welcome you into The Arena.
You can find out more here.