Self-Sabotage: Are you getting in your own way?

Have you ever woken up determined to hit your goals or deadlines and reached the end of the day to find you have spent most of the day on facebook? Me too. Why do we self-sabotage? So many of us aren’t living the life we want, the life we deserve, because…we are getting in our own way. We put up blocks; we downplay our talents; we self-soothe with alcohol or food; we procrastinate and find ways to avoid or derail our work/relationships/goals. Self-sabotaging behaviour often instigates new problems and interferes with our long-term goals.

“Self-sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn’t happen.” ~ Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby

I want to show you three ways women (in particular) self-sabotage and how to combat this behaviour

Procrastination

I recently read that procrastination is the gap between intention and action and it really resonated with me. We have all done it, haven’t we? (haven’t we?!) – instead of acting we get lost in deliberation and find *all* the excuses to delay having to take action. It might be a conscious thought or it may be an unconscious one but it is us doing the thinking either way. We sabotage our own intentions.

Solution: Ask yourself – is the intention something you really want to do, that you believe in and desire deep down? Or is it something you think that you *should* be doing? By asking yourself why you are doing something it will be easier to see how committed you are to making it work.  If it’s important to you then it almost certainly won’t be something you procrastinate on anyway!

Hiding your light

Modesty is generally deemed a good trait but what if you go to the other extreme? What about when you hide your talents, stay quiet when you know the answer or you apologise unnecessarily? When you know something, have the courage to step forward. Approach obstacles with confidence, realizing that you have the resources to deal with them. Accept compliments too. Create a really big vision for yourself. Imagine what could happen if you put all these things into action. It’s not about having wealth or a big title (though that might come anyway) but more about finding your purpose, connecting to your destiny and understanding how you can be of service to others.

Solution: Ask yourself – Am I living up to my true potential? Take stock of what you are really good at, your achievements and build your confidence. Then you need to start taking steps to start shining…I know it’s easier said than done. If you need help please message me.

Trying to do it all

Maybe you have many roles – worker, boss, mother, daughter, friend, adviser…we are doing so many things and are so many things to others we forget about our own needs/desires. I know I do it, I can get to the end of the day and realise I have done nothing for me. I have talked before about how self-care is essential, not selfish. Another common pitfall is saying ‘yes’ when really you mean ‘no’ or isolating yourself because you don’t know what to start with.

Solution: Practice saying no and letting go of the guilt. Set appropriate boundaries for yourself and so then the ‘yes’ becomes more powerful and valuable. It also involves making time to say ‘yes’ to yourself. Why not make this year the year you focus on self-care?

Where does self-sabotage come from?

I believe that most self-sabotage comes from our thinking, usually some kind of fear or limiting belief. Whether it’s worrying about what might go wrong or what other people might think of us to having a perfection driver. You will almost certainly need to take some time to observe yourself and your actions – especially in a situation where you are asking yourself “why did I do that?!”

Solution: We all need to get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable and to embrace it and ourselves as a whole. Taking time for reflection is essential – to understand yourself, your purpose (why) and to find balance in our busy lives. We need to own and appreciate our accomplishments, while also pinpointing and being compassionate about our limitations. We need to recognise that our thoughts are only thoughts; only then can we recognise it when we get our self-sabotage glasses on and take them off instead.