There’s a pattern I see in myself — and in so many women I work with. One that’s deeply linked to something I now call reassigning the Good Girl.
Initially we eat well, drink our water, and move our bodies. We feel good — vibrant, alive, strong. Until one day... we don’t.
We slip. A biscuit here, a skipped walk there. We feel bloated, heavy, foggy. At some point, we say, “Why do I always do this?” Then the shame kicks in. The cycle begins again.
For years, I thought it was just a willpower issue, however, this week, something landed:
What if this isn’t failure — what if it’s a protective strategy?
The Good Girl in Disguise
Underneath the cycle of "on track / off track" might be someone you know well: your inner Good Girl.
She’s the part of you that was trained to:
- Be likeable, not disruptive
- Prioritise others’ comfort over your own
- Earn love by being pleasing, quiet, small
For me, she shows up in the most intimate ways:
- Eating foods that flare my IBS rather than "be awkward"
- I stop prioritising hydration or workouts because it feels indulgent
- Keeping my body invisible — not too powerful, not too radiant — because shining once made others uncomfortable
She’s trying to protect me. But her methods? They’re outdated. And it's exhausting.
Why You Might Be Stuck in the Cycle
This isn’t just about habits, when we start digging deeper, it’s about emotional loyalty to:
- The people in your life who felt threatened by you in some way
- The rules you internalised as a child
- A version of you that survived by not being seen
The discomfort, the disconnect, the choices you make that don't serve you — they’re not failures. They’re signals. Messages. Invitations.
You’re not failing. You’re feeling.
And the real question becomes: How do I keep myself safe — without abandoning myself?
This is where reassigning the Good Girl begins.
The Reassignment Ritual
So what now? We don’t need to exile the Good Girl. We need to reassign her.
Step 1: Meet Her With Compassion Write a letter to your Good Girl. Ask her:
- What are you afraid will happen if I change?
- Who taught you to fear being powerful?
- What are you protecting me from?
- What do you need now?
Let her speak.
Step 2: Reassign Her With Love Thank her:
“You’ve kept me safe. But I don’t need you to manage me anymore. I’m strong enough now.”
Give her a new role:
- Guardian of Boundaries
- Protector of Rest
- Voice of Intuition
- Keeper of Joy
This is the heart of reassigning the Good Girl — giving her a purpose that honours your growth.
Step 3: Ritual Anchor Light a candle or stand in the sun. Say aloud:
“I release the belief that I must be small to be safe. It is time to honour my needs, my body, and my voice. I step into the arena of my life — visibly, courageously, and fully.”
Let it land in your bones.
A Final Word, From Your Wiser Self
You don’t have to be perfect to be worthy. You don’t have to shrink to be loved. You don’t have to burnout to be enough.
Let these truths anchor you: You are allowed to be seen. You're allowed to change. You are allowed to come home to yourself — again and again.
And every time you do, I’ll be here.